Embers
by lilyandjames103181
Summary: "Most of my favorite memories this year have to do with you, honestly"...He didn't even know why he thought now was going to be different. Perhaps it was the fact that, even by the dim lighting in the dark and deserted common room, he knew that she had blushed when he'd mentioned that night. / choose your own ending oneshot. /
1. Embers

Alright. So, let's get this over with.  
I have no legitimate excuse for not continuing Stand Clear of the Closing Doors. I was planning to finish the next chapter by the end of June, then I gave myself an extra week, then an extra month….long story short I had major writer's block.

I've got some new ideas but I'm still easing back into the fic, and I only vaguely know my endpoint. So, no promises since I'll probably blow them.

I very much apologize, I should have updated my tumblr, but I was too ashamed to keep posting dates for uploads that wouldn't happen or keep giving you guys the same sucky excuse.  
**I appreciate ALL my reviews, faves, and follows, thank you guys so, so much!**  
So, as an apology, here's a chose-your-own ending-but-preferably-read-both-options oneshot! :)

cover art by _viria_ on tumblr (_viria13 _on deviantart)

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"Hey, James, can you help me figure out this fo-fo-formula," said Lily, yawning as she pulled her hair into a messy red bun on the top of her head. "For transfiguration. It just doesn't make sense!" she cried, and tossed a balled up piece of parchment into the fire. She was sitting cross legged on the floor at the foot of a couch by the fireplace, books strewn all around her and several quills broken from frustration as she struggled to complete the list of 20 problems McGonagall had set them that afternoon.  
James, who had long since finished that assignment and was working on Quidditch tactics, slid off the hard, uncomfortable steps to the boys' dormitory (it helped him concentrate on his work better) and loped over to where Lily was sitting. He crouched next to her, took the quill from her, and without looking at the parchment, he said "Come off it, Evans. You know this stuff. You know it all. You're just too tired. It's 3am. Go to bed."  
"Bu-bu-but you're not going to bed," Lily protested, stifling another yawn.  
James sat cross-legged, like Lily, since he figured she wasn't going to go to bed until she finished this assignment. Therefore he wasn't going anywhere either, so he might as well be comfortable. He took the parchment from her and scanned it quickly. She only had 3 problems left.  
"Evans, 2 of these are marked 'extra credit' and the other one half our class left blank because she hasn't taught us how to apply the human transfiguration formula to this one yet, she made a mistake, it happens, you know. Even the geniuses make mistakes," he said, flashing a grin at her.  
"Potter."  
"Mmm." He crouched over the paper and began scribbling something.  
"If you finish these problems for me – hey! Don't do my work for me!" she cried suddenly.  
"I thought you wanted help," he smirked. "Didn't you start that sentence with 'if you finish these problems for me…' or have you forgotten already? Plus I would dearly like to know what you would have promised me. Possibly a date?"  
She threw a bracelet at him, one of her weaker pieces of ammunition.  
"Evans, you aren't even awake enough to see that one of those textbooks would be a much better projectile to express your wrath towards me. But I am ever so curious, why is it okay for you to ask me to help you cheat, but not okay if I just do it without asking?"  
"Because."  
James waited for her to elaborate.  
"I don't like it when you assume I need help. I ask for help when I need it. And it's help, not cheating." She crossed her arms and fixed him with a steely look.  
But it wasn't the steely look he was scared of, it was different from all the times she had called him a bullying toerag, and more akin to the one he would get when she called him a stupid prat for turning his eyebrows purple in transfiguration.  
James raised his (thankfully no longer purple) eyebrows at her.  
"Evans, if you insist, I shall wait until 5:05 am for you to ask for 'help,' but after that, I've got to go wake up Sirius for Quidditch practice, which you know will take at least 15 minutes, then I've got to get the rest of the team up and into the Great Hall for breakfast before practice at 5:45."  
"Wha…? 5:45am? I don't think I've ever been up at that hour by choice," said Lily, the giggle returning to her voice.  
"Yes you have. Remember when I dragged you to see comet Lillian in the sky at 4:30am solely because I really, really, like the name Lily and wanted to share it with someone?" He flashed a dazzling smile at her.  
Lily felt the heat creep up her cheeks.  
"Oh. Yeah. There was that."  
She tried hard not to remember how James had attempted to braid her hair and how she really, really lik– did _not_ like the feeling of his hand playing with her hair and how she very much did _not_ want to run her fingers through his hair and how she had been very, very _angry_ when James had kissed her cheek goodnight alarmingly close to her mouth when he thought she'd fallen asleep and how much fun they did _not_ have trying to sneak back into the castle when she'd finally woken up at 7am without anyone realizing they were wearing pajamas and ended up flying into the boys' dorm on James' broom and nearly crashing into Peter's framed portrait of his mum and how Marlene had then caught her sneaking back into bed and demanded the full story but nope, Lily kept her lips sealed, because who was she kidding, that had been the best night she'd had in a long time and she wasn't quite ready to share it yet.  
"Well, er, Potter, would you do me the favor of finishing the last problem for me? It doesn't feel right for you to do my extra credit for me, though. I suppose I'll have to wait for the next one she gives out." Lily chewed her lip anxiously.  
"Uh, sure, but remind me again why straight-O student Lily Evans needs extra credit?"  
"Sod off, James. I got an A on my last essay, if you must know and that bring my average down to an E."  
"Good Lord! That's horrible!"  
Lily punched his arm and his skin tingled from her touch. He recovered quickly.  
"But if you really need it, why can't I do it for you, yeah?"  
"I do not need to be your charity case, thanks very much."  
This time James could tell she was peeved, but he let her crawl up onto the couch and reach for the Muggle Studies essay she'd promised to look over for Peter and begin to make marks on it immediately.  
He smiled in spite of himself, because that's who Lily Evans was, not letting anyone down. Except maybe his own hopes and dreams and desires, since that's what Lily Evans was to him. She was so god damn infuriating.  
They worked quietly for about 5 minutes, before James couldn't take it anymore.  
"Hey, Lil."  
"Mmm?" she said, not really paying attention. He was relieved to hear that the anger had melted from her voice.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be. You're right, you know. It happens, James, rarely, but you're right. I need more sleep."  
James could see her trying not to smile. He grinned.  
He went back to work, and so did she. Not two minutes later, he called out.  
"Lily, I know you had a good time that night. Why were you upset when I brought it up?"  
"I-I'm not upset, I just –"  
"Well, that night – it's – it's one of my favorite memories this year."  
No response.  
"Most of my favorite memories this year have to do with you, honestly."  
The salsa fiesta in his stomach was getting crazier. No matter how many times he'd ask her out, no matter how many times he'd jokingly tell her she was the light of his life, no matter how many times he seriously told her he fancied her, he always, always got nervous. He didn't even know why he thought now was going to be different. Perhaps it was the fact that, even by the dim lighting in the dark and deserted common room, he knew that she had blushed when he'd mentioned that night.  
"Your first real prank on a teacher, aided by me. Our fabulous lunch for my birthday in the kitchens with the Marauders. You were an honorary member that day, even Sirius agreed to let you come because he knew how much it meant to me. Your amazing banner for that Quidditch match. You said it was because it was Marly's first game, but Lily, I'd hoped so badly that you'd thought of me for at least a nanosecond when you were drawing it."  
He paused.  
"Lily, I'm prepared for the inevitable answer, but uh, give me a shot? Not tallying up the week's points in the Room of Requirement, not grabbing butterbeer with Marlene and Alice and the Marauders in The Three Broomsticks, not me teaching you how to fly with Sirius whopping and catcalling 50 feet above us. A real date. Please. I'm not joking when I say it would make my year."  
James took it as a good sign that she hadn't interrupted him. He took a deep breath and looked at her.  
She'd fallen asleep.  
It was probably for the best, he told himself. She'd probably have slapped him.  
Still, he couldn't quite ignore the oh-too-familiar feeling of his heart shattering and the pieces scattering on the floor and burning up in flames. Red flames. As red as Lily Evans' hair.  
James sighed, and decided that she needed to be brought to bed. He was just about to scoop her up when he remembered that he couldn't go into the girls' dorm, and flying her up the stairs with his broom while she was asleep was too risky. He decided instead on the comfiest couch in the common room. He set her down there, conjured a blanket and settled her in. Then, he cleared away her things, and decided he wasn't going to bed. It was only a couple of hours until he had to wake up Sirius, and Lily hadn't finished looking over Peter's essay so he could finish that. He might as well start the Herbology essay on Jupiter Fly Traps, the scarier, larger, magical, human-maiming version of Venus Fly Traps.

Grabbing a pillow and using it as a backrest, he stared into the embers of the Gryffindor Common Room fire place and thought about how truly, deeply in love he was with someone who would never love him back.

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READ THIS!  
This fic has two alternate endings, I liked both too much to only write one. I started writing with one in my head, but then I came up with another one as I went so I decided to do both.  
Chapters two and three are shorter and conclude this fic, starting from the same point (the reason for the very awkward ending). This is a one shot, so once the second ending is up (I'm uploading the first ending with the beginning chunk) I'm done with this fic.  
Thank youuuuuuuuu!  
Enjoy and review if you have time.


	2. Ending 1

He decided dwelling on those feelings would only make him resent Lily, and he didn't want that. He wasn't some pathetic, unrequited lover who was about to drown himself in the Great Lake out of anger and desperation. _Padfoot would disagree_, he thought hopelessly.  
_Snap out of it, James!_  
Then he realized he didn't have a quill. He quickly rifled through the pile of Lily's stuff he'd cleared away to find one.  
A piece of parchment fluttered out between the pages of her transfiguration notes. And in Lily's loopy, messy hand, he saw the words FUCK JAMES POTTER.  
Looking back, James knew he only looked at that for about 4 seconds before snatching the parchment up, but it felt like an eternity. The blood rushed to his head. Surely she couldn't hate him? She told him he was a great big stupid idiot at least 3 times a day, but was he completely deluded in thinking that they were friends? That maybe, in the last 2 and a half sodding months of school, he might possibly get a date or a kiss or even just a peck on the cheek? Should he wake up Remus? Remus would know how to sort it all out. Maybe all of his friends were just sick of him moaning about how Lily would never fancy him, and had given up on getting him to see the truth? When was the last time he'd done something so terrible to Lily that she would have a reason to write those words?  
James answered that one immediately. Defense OWL. Snape. Mud blood. Lily Evans sobbing in a broom closet.

_Go the fuck away Potter! I never want to see your sodding face again!_  
_Lily — please — let me expl—_  
_I DON'T CARE. Just fuck you, Potter. FUCK YOU._

James had been so depressed the following week and a half that the whole school had felt it — the lack of pranks even had McGonagall asking James if he felt alright.  
Sirius had had to captain the end of the year prank, and the Greenhouse 2 and Bertram Aubery were never the same again.  
But then Lily had reached out to James over the summer, because her mum had been murdered by Death Eaters, just like his Dad. Her sister blamed Lily. Marlene had been in an all-girls, no outside communication summer camp for young witches. (Her parents were worried that she thought about boys too much). And she'd lost her childhood best friend.  
James had been overjoyed to receive her letter, but nearly wept when he read what was written in it.

_...You were right about Severus..._  
_...I swear to God, I just want to kill Voldemort with my bare hands..._  
_...I'm really sorry I yelled at you..._  
_...my mum was murdered..._  
_...I still have nightmares..._  
_...James Potter if you tell anyone about this letter I will slap you..._

James couldn't take it anymore. He had to know. He pulled out the parchment, which had charms notes on the back of it, and read the frantic, crazy, and absolutely ridiculous conversation dated four days prior.

**Mar. I know is is a terrible time and way to tell you, but James Potter is staring at me again and I don't think I can sit thought the rest of this class**

_Lily. Explain yourself. Now. (!)_

**Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?**

_You LOVE James Potter?!_

**I do NOT. **  
**I don't know! I knew you'd react that way. Shouldn't have said anything. Fuck. **

_Lily you CANNOT drop a bombshell like that and expect me to be ok with 'I don't know.'_

**Fuck it Mar. He bloody UNHINGES me. I have no clue what in the name of Merlin has gotten into me! I'm supposed to hate him! At the very best, be friends with him! **

**FUCK JAMES POTTER. **

_Lily, you've clearly been in denial all of 7th year. We've all been waiting for you to admit you fancy him. You and him are the only ones who don't know it. But love?! I don't think anyone bet on that. And fucking him is your job, not mine._

**Marlene McKinnon. Shut up or you will not be a bridesmaid at my wedding. And I do not fancy him! Why did I bring this up? Forget everything. (And betting?!)**

_Your wedding to James Potter! And you do, you definitely do. We just need to figure out the best way for him to find out. (Yup I have 10 galleons riding on the location of your first kiss) _

**You are a shit best mate. I do NOT love James Potter. You really suck. I might, *might* fancy him but you are NOT to tell anyone or I'll tell everyone who you really lost your virginity to. **

_You would not. _

**Yes, I would. I need time Mar. Lily Evans does not rush anything. **

_Obviously. You've only got 2 and a half months left before we leave this castle. _

**Fuck. **

_Get a move on!_

**I've no idea how!**

_Just shove him into a broom closet and snog him. _

**Is that what you bet on for our first kiss?!**

_No, you'd never be that daring, darling. It was just a suggestion to see how you'd react. And points to me, I was right. _

**Marlene. Why am I even friends with you. **

_Shit, Flitwick is coming. By the way, Potter has been staring at you this whole time. Doesn't that turn you on? He has no clue what you're writing! Ha!_

**I don't even have the energy left to be disgusted with you. **

_Love you too!_

It took quite a while for James Potter to process what he'd read. And then he concluded several things.  
1) He had done nothing wrong (yet), except stare at Lily in charms (again).  
2) He was wrong about number 1, according to Lily.  
3) Lily was confused about her feelings for him.  
4) Lily was angry at him for making her confused about her feelings for him.  
5) He was going to be in a shitload of trouble if/when Lily had found out he'd read that conversation.  
6) He was never, ever going to give up on Lily Evans.

James took several calming, deep breaths. He slipped the parchment back into Lily's notes.

And then he silently whooped and cheered and fist pumped and nearly kissed Lily before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to see that piece of parchment. (And she was sleeping)

For the first time in his life, James had absolutely no idea what to do. He didn't know if he should keep it a secret, or tell Lily what he'd seen. He could never keep a secret from her long, plus her wrath would be magnificent to behold. Perhaps someday when they were happily dating.

And James Potter had a funny feeling that 'someday' would be pretty damn soon.

* * *

Ok next alternate ending will be up soonish, (I suck at estimates [and endings and titles] don't ask me when, please, it will only make me feel worse), but review please!  
Thanks so much for reading too!

Also I KNOW that canonically, James' parents died naturally, but this is fanfiction and I'm a free bitch who does that she wants.

Love you all! Thanks to all my followers!


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